Day Two - How to Lose a Narcissist in 30 Days
DAY TWO - How to Lose a Narcissist in 30 Days
You're Not Crazy - And You Can Prove It
Cognitive dissonance is "the mental discomfort resulting from holding two conflicting beliefs, values, or attitudes."
One minute you may feel like fleeing with only the shirt on your back, the next, you're reminding yourself that your partner made you breakfast in bed just the other day. Being gripped by self-doubt, second-guessing your choices, and apologizing frequently are visible symptoms of this mental struggle.
We now understand how a narcissist operates: they love-bomb you, devalue you, reject you, and then hoover you back into the abusive situation with a new form of love-bombing. Recognizing this cycle in your relationship may be difficult, but it will help you see the light.
Another way to look at it is that tension increases, the blow-up or abusive event happens, there is a separation, a reunion, a makeup phase, a tranquil period, and then the tension rises again. You can feel it. Many people I interviewed said they could feel this tension cycle building for weeks before the explosive event.
The "feeling" you are experiencing is your intuition guiding you. Your once-bright intuition has been snuffed out to the point of barely being a flicker. You can still rely on it, and it will once more lead you. You must first uncover the reality and be able to analyze it when you're not in the moment of abuse.
When you are in the separation period, which follows the narcissist blowing their top, is the ideal time to be completely honest with yourself. Take out your journal, or if you're uncomfortable writing things down, use safe software like Penzu to password-protect your entries. Begin freewriting about the entire event, from the tension building to the explosive event. Record things as they happened and let that small voice inside guide you. As you let your truth spill onto the page there's no reason to be afraid.
You can refer back to this writing time and time again to help you stay rooted in reality. The goal is to write the details before anyone can gaslight you, including yourself. Keep in mind that the abuser wants you to get confused and wonder what actually happened.
Keep your diary notes safe because you'll learn more about this cycle later and be able to see things from a far different perspective. Ask your higher power to guide you as you create these journal entries.
On a personal note, that's God for me, and whenever I'm faced with cognitive dissonance, I ask him to give me the spiritual wisdom and insight needed to see things clearly. Isaiah 30:21 " Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.”