Day Five - How to Lose a Narcissist in 30 Days
Wait...am I the problem here? Could I be the narcissist?
No doubt about it, the answer is "no." I can assure you that you are not pathological if you are even thinking about it. Narcissists are incapable of introspection. They don't think they need to improve themselves or that they are the issue. Most likely, you are starting to stand up for yourself because your soul has had enough. That's righteous anger, not narcissism.
Many victims of narcissistic abuse begin to question their actions, and some may even start taking personality tests to rule out the possibility that they may be narcissistic. If this is how you're feeling, please recognize that, yes, perhaps you do some unhealthy things or respond in a manner you're not proud of. Everyone does. That's not the problem here.
You may be shocked by how much your personality has changed, and you may genuinely be concerned that you're the problem. The bottom line is a highly skilled manipulator duped you, and your reaction to their behavior is not the problem. Your response may be an involuntary reaction caused by the cumulative trauma you have been experiencing over time and comes from a place of extreme frustration or self-defense. Toxic people will condition you into thinking that your response to the abuse, rather than the abuse itself, is the problem. They will exhibit abusive behavior and then play the victim. Please don't fall for it! When you're beginning to question yourself, take an objective look back over all your previous relationships. Jackson Mackenzie, the author of "Psycopath Free," says, "You start to see that you've never behaved like this in any other relationships, and it's not because they were special. It's because they were actively working against you from the moment they chose you."
So, have you behaved like this in various friendships, romantic relationships, or bonds with your family?
Here are some steps you can take as you get curious about your behavior within the relationship:
Keep a diary of events. Write them out exactly as they happened, including the way you behaved. It's not about shaming or blaming yourself. Keeping this diary will allow you to recognize that you may react as any human would act in a similar situation. *Again, if you're worried about someone finding your journal, use a free app such as https://penzu.com/ with a passcode.
Start to do your own research into narcissistic personality disorder. Learn the terms that most bloggers and professionals use. *Stay tuned for Day 5 as I'll drop a glossary of terms to help you understand the madness.
Begin to trust your inner knowing again. The narcissist wants you cut off from that small voice inside that tells you what's what.
Ask God or your higher power to guide you as you see things more clearly.