Day Four - How to Lose a Narcissist in 30 Days
"Change happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change."
Tony Robbins
Regarding our subject: Change happens when the discomfort of continuing in a destructive relationship outweighs the anxiety of the future.
Being in a narcissistic relationship can damage not only your mental health but also your physical health! One of the most terrible things someone can go through is mental abuse, and many of you may have been slogging through this cycle of abuse for years. The narcissist may seem like a disease that spreads throughout your entire body. As you discovered on day two of this series, it is not all in your head. Your body is keeping the score.
Each time the narcissist lashes out or gives you the silent treatment, you may cycle through the trauma responses - fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. Each time you display a trauma response, your brain releases an abundance of the hormones your body needs to "fight for your life," including adrenaline. This response evolved as a survival mechanism, enabling people and other mammals to react quickly to life-threatening situations. The issue is that life within a toxic relationship never allows one to release these hormones healthily - unless we learn how to do so somatically.
Remember, knowledge is power, so it's essential to know precisely what this stress response does to your body and brain.
Your body switches into a different form of energy when you enter the fight-or-flight response, producing cortisol and adrenaline (also known as epinephrine). Over time, these ongoing spikes in your fight-or-flight hormones can harm your blood vessels and arteries, elevate your blood pressure, hasten aging, and increase your risk of heart attack or stroke. Additionally, long-term stress can cause systemic inflammation, fat storage, and numerous autoimmune illnesses.
You're not ingesting a poisonous substance such as alcohol, but your brain chemicals are being hijacked, and they will need time to return to homeostasis. The quickest way to heal is to go no-contact with the toxic person and cocoon for a while. You may not be ready for those steps, and that is ok! There are ways to calm your nervous system and increase your resilience so that when you are prepared to take action, you will have these tools at your disposal, and your body will be used to them.
Exercise and deep breathing can help you become more resilient; journaling about your experiences with the toxic person and somatic releases can help you eliminate stress. Spending time in nature and becoming grounded are effective techniques to reduce stress and minimize inflammation.
Try some of these techniques, maintain what works for you, and put them to use when you're not in a fight-or-flight situation. Your body will remember.
Here is an excellent video on somatic practice for trauma and stress relief: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xM2Z-miz3Y4